


Stupid boy think that I need him

by strawberry_cider



Series: PinotPurple fics [8]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Multi, Shopping, Short, Tova Hugh cameo, daisy and basira are wholesome, helen has fun, it’s the bitch from the cost of living episode, jon confesses, martin has a hawaiian shirt, this is really stupid i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22526323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_cider/pseuds/strawberry_cider
Summary: I wrote this to destress from exam season. Enjoy!
Series: PinotPurple fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040973
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Stupid boy think that I need him

Jon was walked by a guard to the visiting room. He stepped inside and saw Elias sitting at the table with a glass of Veuve Clicquot La Grande Dame. A phone was next to him, blasting “Stupid” by Ashnikko. The opening verse “ _stupid boy think that I need him_ ” played as Jon took the seat in front of him. The Eye didn't clarify as to how Elias had access to wine and Spotify in prison. Jon did not care about that anyway. He was more concerned as to why Elias summoned him.

Elias was staring absent-mindedly at a wall. He was livid, but years of working as a manager made his expression look very controlled.

“Jon.” Elias began. “I need you help.”

“With... what?” Jon asked, furrowing his brows.

“Have you seen Peter Lukas at the Institute? Even by chance?”

“N-No... I never met him.”

“I imagined so.” He sighed. “But I can tell you he is not there anymore. Both him and Martin have left the country a few days ago.”

“What?” Jon’s said, his attention immediately caught. “Where are they?”

“They are looking for Mikaele Salesa. I believe they are travelling through the Lonely as to not be detected. I need you to find them.”

“... Why?”

“I am trying to divorce Peter Lukas. I need him to sign the papers, but I can’t reach him. I need you to get hold of him and tell him to get his ass over here.”

Jon looked at Elias for a moment before answering. The last thing he wanted to do was be of assistance to Elias, but this was a chance to contact Martin. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you, Jon.” Elias said, sipping his wine.

Jon left the room as Yung Baby Tate rapped about her juicy her pussy was. He arrived back at the archive, where Daisy and Basira were hanging out on the couch, Daisy using her legs as a pillow and Basira was reading a book.

“How did it go?” Daisy asked, opening one eye.

“What did he want?” Basira asked.

“He wants me to find Lukas.” Jon said, sitting next to them. “He and Martin aren't here anymore, apparently. Would you please help me?”

“How?” Basira said, closing her book.

“Welll, using... your police expertise? Do some criminal profiling?”

“Do you know what that is?”

Daisy got up, sitting up between the two of them. “All right... what do we know?”

“Elias said that Lukas and Martin left a few days ago to look for Mikaele Salesa.”

“That spooky shit peddler?”

“Yes. They're travelling using Lukas' powers as to not be detected. And Elias wants me to find him so, uh, so he can sign his divorce papers.”

Daisy thought for a moment. “He's an avatar of the Lonely, so, obviously, he's a loner. He's distant and won't face his problems directly. He might have gone on this search for Salesa exactly so he doesn't have to sign those papers. Who knows when and how else he'll find a partner that will deal with his shit. He's rich, so it's likely he has his own personal ship or even a personal jet, with a select staff that won't tarnish his loneliness. He brought Martin along so he will talk for him with people. He might know Salesa is alive, but not his exact location, so he must look for him and actually talk to people who might now. Depending on how fast they can work with Peter's people-phobia in the way, they might be there for a while. For all we know, they might have already found him and sneaked him in the Lonely too.”

“What do you say we do?” Jon asked after listening.

“Go look for him as well!” She said, picking up her phone and googling plane tickets. Her phone was on 2%. Jon and Basira each put their heads on her shoulders. Everything was booked. Daisy scrolled and scrolled but nothing. A plane was arriving back in England that day at 3 pm, and another was leaving at 5. Tickets were still available for that one. It was a tight squeeze, but they could make it work. Daisy was about to tap to book, when the screen went black and the three of them could see their shocked expressions.

“Oops.” Daisy said.

“Where's your charger?” Basira asked.

“Behind the couch.” She said. “I dropped it and was too lazy to pick it up.” She added when Basira stared at her incredulously.

Basira got up and walked behind the couch. She picked and held up the charger, wrapped several times in several different duct-tapes. The connector was hanging on for dear life and bent at a sharp angle. Basira and Jon looked at Daisy, stupefied, and Daisy told them to let her live. She plugged in her phone and said they should go buy snacks for the plane.

“You drive, Basira.” She added before sitting back down.

“I can't. My license expired.” Basira said.

“What? When?”

“Two days ago.”

“Mine's expired too. Jon?”

“Mine is also expired.” Jon said.

“Oh, come one!” Daisy groaned. “Why didn't you get it fixed?”

“I was in a coma! Why didn't you get it yours fixed?”

“I was in the coffin!”

“Okay, fine.” Basira said. “Who do we know that can drive?”

The three of them heard a door creak open. They turned their heads to see Helen smiling at them. “I can drive!” She said.

Daisy and Basira looked at her license and, indeed, it was still valid. Helen's picture was distorted and smudged, like someone went ham with Photoshop.

“Will that be fine if someone pulls us over?” Jon asked.

“What are the chances of someone pulling us over for a 10 minutes drive?” Helen said.

“Are you still listed as a legal citizen? Wait, was a missing person's report ever made for you?”

“Never got any.” Basira said dryly, handing Helen her license back. “Helen, you could just take us through your hallways to a store.”

“No, I want to drive!”

The now four of them got in Daisy's car. It had seen better days. A stranger made a point to key it. Daisy sat in the passenger's seat and Jon and Basira sat in the back. Helen's fingers were a little too long to wrap completely around the steering wheel and her hair was brushing the ceiling, but she _could_ drive. She drove them to a Lidl and drove around the parking lot in circles for ten minutes looking for an empty space.

“Helen, are you even looking for a parking lot?” Jon asked.

Helen pouted and parked in spot she had passed six times. They spent ten more minutes searching the car for a coin to get a cart, because nobody had any change in their wallets. Helen insisted to be allowed to push the cart around. Jon held a hand on it to keep her in sight. They stepped into the Lidl and their faces were blown with the gentle breeze of air conditioner. 80s and 90s pop was playing and gently echoing through the aisles. A kid naruto ran in front of them.

“What are we getting?” Helen asked, tapping her fingers on the handle of the cart.

“Pizza pastry!” Daisy said and made a beeline to the pastry and bakery products. She opened the glass door and chose the pastries with the tongs while Basira held the bag for her and telling her to chose the less burnt ones. Daisy argued that those tasted better.

“Should we get pretzels too?” Basira asked, looking at the row above the pizza ones.

“We are now!” Daisy said.

“We only have 80 pounds!” Jon said from the other side of aisle. Helen was sitting with her back to the other girls, looking at the chocolate display.

“Can we have this one?” She asked, pointing to waffles filled with chocolate and vanilla.

“It's 15 pounds!” Jon said.

“What about this one?” Helen pointed to one that was only 10 pounds.

“Do you even eat chocolate anymore?” Jon squinted at her.

“Sometimes! If the people that make their way to me have some on them. It's like a topping!”

Daisy and Basira returned to them. Basira looked at something between Jon and Helen and gasped. Her eyes glittered like a child's. “Daisy! Look!” She said, leaning over the cart to reach what was on the shelf. It was some sort of French cookies box with caramel. Daisy gasped too.

“What's that?”

“Oh, someone at the station brought them once from a trip to Holland and they were _so good_!” Basira said. “Daisy and I ate them within a day. I had no idea we can find them here! We're _so_ buying them!”

Their rag-tag group continued on and got into the meat and cheeses aisles. Daisy was trying to convince Basira to buy the spicy beer sausages (“They taste so good, even without beer!”), while Helen watched them and Jon walked forward to look at some pre=made sandwiches. “Stupid boy thing that I need him” was stuck in his head. He was wearing a t-shirt and the cold air from the cooled shelves made his goosebumps. Through his mind passed the thought that's what it must feel like in the Lonely. He thought about Martin and the idea that he must feel the same way about Jon as Ashnikko does about her ex in the song. Was Jon a stupid boy too? What if that's why Martin tagged along Peter Lukas? Salesa was a fascinating man, what if he wooed Martin to move on his ship?

“Why is Jon staring so lost at the turkey sandwiches?” Helen asked, elbows on the bar and head in her palms.

“He's thinking about Martin again.” Daisy sighed.

They stopped several times to dissuade Helen from buying pre-made pizzas and sushi and eventually made their way to the cash registries. They went on a different aisle to avoid a different boy doing Fortnite dances as their friend recorded them.

“Why can't I get things, but Daisy can?” Helen asked, smile twitching.

“We only have 80 punds.” Jon said. “And I'm more scared of Daisy than of you.”

“You're scared of me, Jon?” Daisy asked.

“A little...”

“Good.” She said, tossing a pack of Capri Sun in the cart.

A worker with a high ponytail warned them about the wet floor as they passed her. The girl did a double-take on Helen before hurrying away. They paused in the drinks aisle and looked at wines, not so much as to buy them, but as to look at pretty labels and dream. Daisy heard a thud on the other aisle. She peeked around the corner and saw a woman had fallen. She was lying next to a wet-floor sign in the empty bath products aisle. She was not getting up. Daisy decided it wasn't her problem and returned to the others.

They got to the cash registries. All of them were full. Some old people were complaining that it was taking too long, they should get more registers, hurr durr. The murmur was stopped abruptly by a car skidding on the road outside and crashing loudly into something. People stopped what they were doing and stretched their necks to see what happened. Someone up-front said that it ran into a parked car. Somewhere behind them, the one got up and patted her coat.

“This week is a disaster, I swear.” A worker with a mop said. “First that weird sailor dude, now car accidents... We're cursed or something.”

“Weird sailor?” Jon asked, turning so fast his neck made a pop. He groaned and clutched his neck and the girl backed away.

“Y-Yeah.” She said. _Oh God, it's the dude that made Alex cry_ , she thought. “H-He came here with his son or something, a few days ago. They bought expanded rice biscuits. His card bounced for 5 pounds.”

“Did they say anything about what they were doing? Or what they were going?”

“N-No, but they looked in a hurry. The sailor said they need to make it quick, the ship was leaving in three hours. They had to get to the harbour, I think.”

“That's them.” Basira said.

“Thank you so much, Miss!” Jon said.

“You're welcome...” She said, faking a smile and quickly going away.

“We bought a lot.” Helen said. “Do we have enough money?”

“Hopefully...” Jon said.

Daisy, Basira and Helen put everything in the cart while Jon paid. The total was 79 pounds. The cashier cheered together with them. They went outside and found that it was their car the one that got hit. The driver of the other one had a heart-attack on wheel. Jon went back in the Lidl to buy some bags. Helen, feeling very awkward, opened a door in the back of the building and they got to the Institute. She didn't follow them to it. They somehow spent three hours in that Lidl. They had two hours left to pack everything and get to the airport. Daisy checked her phone and the tickets were already sold. Defeated, they put what they bought in the cafeteria and decided to try again the next day.

Jon made his way to the archives, looking at the ground and trying to think what to do tomorrow. He looked up and to his astonishment he saw Martin. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, topaz and magenta flowers on a black background and a shorts. 

“Martin!” Jon called out.

“Jon!” Martin looked up, equally surprised.

“Where have you been?”

“Uh, Peter and I went on a trip to look for someone.”

“Oh! About Peter! Elias is looking for him!”

“Oh, he is?”

“Yeah, he needs to talk to him.”

“Oh, okay, I'll let him know!” He said and made his way to leave.

“Martin, wait!” Jon said. “I need to tell you something!”

“Yes?”

“I love you!” He blurted out, blushing from ear to ear.

Martin's face turned beet-red. His mind scrambled to find a reply.

“Thanks.” He said.

Before Jon replied, Martin vanished into the Lonely and screamed his heart out, grabbing fistfuls of hair. When he had enough, he got up with difficulty and made his way to where Peter was. He found him sitting in a chair and looking through his phone, looking very nervous. Martin looked over his shoulder. He had 42 lost calls and 68 messages. They must be from Elias, as Jon said. Martin wrinkled his nose. “Hey, Peter.” 

“Yes, Martin?” Peter asked.

“I met with Jon. He said Elias wants to talk to you.”

“I-I know...” He said, lowering his phone.

“Then go talk to him. Idiot.” He said as he walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> 


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